School Cancelations

Two things – one, see entry title. Two – I downloaded a time management app.

If feelings are like a reciprocal graph (-x to x) [no, i don’t know the technical term], does the greatest happiness only happen to those who understand the greatest depths of pain and suffering? Well, if that isn’t an alt lifestyle t-shirt, I don’t know what is.

Today is a day for discipline. By this I, of course, mean using my determination and willpower to help me invest in my future. I will set myself a minimum of three 2-hour timed intervals, during which regular class time would be. I will have the material ready for class.

…she said as the clock turned 11:11am.

My midi cord and headphone thingy are gonna be here soon – they’ve already shipped. Everything’s going great – smooth sailing, I like that.

I still have absolutely no idea how to go about casting for my scene. I’ll probably ask Eric to send out an email. That should work. If he doesn’t want to, then I’ll print flyers and have Tange give me the go-ahead to post them. There’s more than one way to do pretty much everything except enter the secret combination for snes/ genesis games. I mean, the code’s set, man, and you’ve got a limited amount of time.

Anywho, I digress. I need to stick to the topic… which is… ah, yes, self-discipline.

Now, I was one of those kids who thought any kid who willingly took a beating was a complete idiot. Like ‘village’. Every time someone tried to hit me when I was a kid, I ran, whether or not I deserved it… of course, there are worthiness issues which turn into an inability (unwillingness?) to pamper myself on a regular basis. Anyway, long story short, although I do not praise, I also often avoid doing unpleasant things just because I can. Call it ‘Pursuit of Ease’, which Abraham-Hicks tells me is kind of the point of it all.

Let me say it another way: There’s this meme going around Facebook that’s all, “When you don’t think God can hear you, remember: the teacher is always quiet during the test.” Well, whether or not I still claim to believe it, based on my own research into the history of european religious influence, I was raised Catholic until around second grade. Pantyhose on Sunday, shorts and pants only after school. Thursdays we got out early, but we had to pray for, like, four hours. That’s a long time for a 6-year-old to sit still and not know what the fuck is going on, weekly.

Where was I going with this? Oh, yeah, so I always have this sense of a present being. Sometimes it’s masculine, sometimes feminine, but it’s always there. The more I get into affirmations and hypnosis (which, let’s be honest, is the whole entire point of rituals – to insert commands of behavior while people are in a trance state. it’s the reason martial artists chant and breathe in unison while practicing channeling their energy to a specific point), the more I realize the simplicity of mental health being the ability to discard certain patterns of thought and behavior and replace them with valuable habits and beliefs.

Then it gets into the question of ‘whose values’, you know? The ones Disney spoon-fed me when I was a kid? Is DIC implicated as well? Do I blame the Grimm Bros. and/ or Takeuchi-san? Do I blame Jung and/ or ancient greek and roman theatre festival typecasting? Do I read into people commenting on what I say in public forums with eerily familiar buzzwords as someone I used to know still being interested in my conversation, if nothing else? Is it just one big huge unfortunate coincidence layered upon an impossible situation, topped with the possible fall of humanity (and it’s begun its precarious wobble, top heavy as a mug).

So? I make myself write things. And do homework. Because even if humanity falls, I’ll still be able to say I did something I was planning on doing my whole life. Even though I don’t know what comes next, that’s fine. My mom was gonna be a mom; that’s over now. She’s gonna probably be a church lady. That’s just how it goes, I guess.

Called my great-granny. I rock.

Must… do… homework…

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